cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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