i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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