i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
