does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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