At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
