so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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