Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
