Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
