So drunk its hurt
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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