I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
