Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
