i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
