oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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