Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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