dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
