Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
