those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
