Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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