we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
