I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
