I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
