The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
