I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
