somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fill condoms, not promises.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
