All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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