i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
