You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
