Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
