I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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