u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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