NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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