im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry about my life...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
