my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
