the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
