Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
