At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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