I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
