Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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