It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i think my cat just said my name.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
