you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
