My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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