I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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