You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
