I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
