So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
