Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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