do herpes really smell.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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