I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
