wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
