I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
