i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
