she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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