i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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