It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize