it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
