take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
