worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
