Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
