why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
