CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
