Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
