I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
