Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
