i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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