Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
