I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
