I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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