i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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