i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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