so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is Oprah even human
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
