OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
