Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
