I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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