Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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