i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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