I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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