it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
