Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
