The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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