I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
