I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
