the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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