So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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