My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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