i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
