So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
