i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
