and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
