im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
