Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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