craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
