He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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