That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
