I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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