the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
