I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
