Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
