Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
