I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
