So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
