is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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