Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
