I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
