I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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