So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
