guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
