I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize