I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have aggressive nipples.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
